


For Massive Damage

by stardust_rain



Category: Tanis (Podcast)
Genre: D&D, M/M, Nicoblivious Silver, Snowed In
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 10:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9068554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardust_rain/pseuds/stardust_rain
Summary: It starts as all things start: on a dark and stormy night in the middle of nowhere. Or: in which the plot of Tanis is an impromptu D&D campaign cobbled together by a bunch of college students stuck in a blizzard.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leap4joyak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leap4joyak/gifts).



> This was written for the Tanis Dumpster Slack Exchange, and so it contains a couple of potshots and fourth-wall-leaning meta about certain elements of the podcast. This takes a fast-and-loose approach to both canon and D&D, but that's because the characters themselves are inexperienced D&D players.

It starts as all things start - on a dark and stormy night, in the middle of nowhere.

 

* * *

  
  
“If anyone - and I mean anyone - asks about this later on, I'm blaming you two,” MK snaps. She throws her backpack down on the rickety little wooden bench, then herself along with it, glaring sullenly at the rickety little wooden hut. It's all very charmingly rustic and folksy - throw rugs, deerskin, a fireplace, even an actual metal kettle over the stove. Geoff said it had history behind it - she hopes that he meant “used as a film location for a werewolf romcom once” and not “two people once got brutally serial-killed on the floor”.

  
“It means,” Geoff says with progressively less and less patience, “that it was used as a secret meetup place for soldiers during the civil war, and my grandad bought the place from the government. It's a family treasure. So try not to burn it down, please.”

  
It's all very quaint, she had to admit, if one of them ever got an actual fire going. They were supposed to be halfway to Seattle by now. She was supposed to be in her bed by this time tomorrow, drinking hot chocolate, watching reruns of Tom and Jerry with her sister, not stuck in the ass-end of the woods- MK loved her friends, she did, but being around people tired her out and being around them for four hours in a car had been enough.  
  
Geoff grumbles and sets about starting a fire while Alex loots the pantry for anything edible. Nic, after losing a game of rock-paper-scissors with MK, is called to go out round the back for firewood.

 

* * *

  
  
  
They pile the contents of their backpacks and overnight bags on the table and, among the dirty laundry, paperbacks, medicine and toiletries, between them manage to dig out:  
  
1) a deck of cards  
2) some matches  
3) ten (10) satchels of instant coffee, courtesy of Geoff  
4) five (5) packages of beef jerky, courtesy of MK  
5) a foldable map of Jersey.  
6 _) The Search for Tanis_ , a conspiracy thriller airport novel that Alex picked up and had spent most of the trip making fun of.  
  
They were halfway up the highway when they had to turn around. Alex was asleep, Geoff was too busy fooling around with Nic in the backseat, and no one was focused enough to notice when MK took the wrong exit. She'd been kind of too embarrassed to say anything to anyone, and figured if she followed the signs, she'd get them back on the road in no time.  
  
She'd followed the signs. And they just happened to point towards a bypass through the forest. She'd swallowed her pride, pulled out her iPhone and prayed to the great god Google for help and reception, which was when Geoff decided to take over driving. He'd stuck the phone in his pocket and took them down a snowy, pitch-black forest road. _This is how white people get killed in horror movie_ s, MK had said. Famous last words, and she hardly had the service to post it to the internet.  
  
“I know where we're going,” Geoff had insisted. “My uncle has a cabin here, we come here every summer.”  
  
There was a cabin there, and Geoff did come there every summer but there was also blizzard moving in, and no way could they make it back before it hit - if not here, then they'd be stranded on the road at god-knows-where, camped in a shitty no-tell-Motel that stank. Fine, they all said. At least this would make a good story, they all said.

  
And that was how their roadtrip back from a one-week holiday in New York during winter break - people watching, Broadway, making fun of the locals and eating too many dodgy hot dogs -  had turned into an unplanned overnight stay at the ass-end of nowhere in the middle of a blizzard.

 

* * *

  
“This would make the shittiest story ever,” Alex moans, her teeth clattering, her hands under her armpits and knees drawn to her chest. It was MK's turn to try to light the fire. Nic had dragged the wood in from outside, and Geoff's hands were frozen from his own (failed) attempts. She piles the kindling together, holds a flaming piece of newspaper under it and prays to the gods of not-freezing-to-death-in-the-woods that this would work.

  
Miraculously, the flames grew.

 

* * *

  
  
The deck of cards weren't complete. It was missing the queen of cloves, the ace of diamonds and two five's, so there went plans of poker and Go Fish for the rest of the evening. Maybe this was sacrifice for getting the fire going, MK thought. The gods of the not-freezing-to-death giveth, and the gods of not-freezing-to-death taketh away.  
  
Geoff shuffled the incomplete deck. They'd emptied the cupboards and piled all the food they found in the middle of the table- canned tuna, canned corn, canned beef, frozen pizza and, wonder or wonders, a six-pack of beer that wasn't even out of date.  
  
“We could play D&D,” Geoff says.  
  
“We're not playing D&D,” Alex says flatly.  
  
“How would that even work?” Nic says.

 

* * *

 

  
“But this would mess up the probability,” Nic says, twenty minutes later. “Look, the point of having a die is so that it's completely random. Using a deck of cards is not the same thing.”  
  
Geoff gives the deck another shuffle, while Alex and MK try to establish the rules using the paperback.   
  
They decide to use the cards to determine the turn - everyone draws for their turn, with spades being the higher end of the die and hearts being the lower end. Drawing the ten of spades was a natural 20, ace of hearts was a critical fail. In between that, ten of hearts was a 10, ace of spades was 11. 

Eventually, with the four of them huddled around the fire, Alex spreads three pieces of paper on the little wooden coffee table, each with a character sheet and hastily put together map of the wider Seattle area. She has the airport novel in one hand, laden with post-its and sticky tabs, and a notepad with messy scribbles and bullet points in the other.  
  
“The rules are thus,” she says, ceremoniously spreading the deck in a wide arc. “Nic Silver is a Chaotic Neutral reporter with a streak of recklessness and a lack of self-preservation. He will attempt to find out all there is to know about a mysterious cabin in the woods using all his resources. Geoff and MK, it's your job to stop him from getting himself killed by providing aid and resources.”

“That sounds like the worst escort mission ever,” MK says, unimpressed.  
  
“We can't use cards for this, it's not—”  
  
“I'm ex-military?”  
  
“And I'm a hacker? Come on, I only took CompSci for like, two semesters.”

“This isn’t my plot, okay? I can’t come up with anything this complicated on the spot, so I’m borrowing a couple of ideas.” She holds _The Search for Tanis_ up, brandishing it like a shield, or something to be banned. “ _I didn't write this_. I feel like this is an important disclaimer to for me to make upfront.”

 

* * *

  
“Most of the information you're looking for has been scrubbed clean from the internet - your regular Google search won't help you here, but there are people you can reach out to.”

“Ooh, is this where I hire MK?”  
  
“Yes. You succeed in finding a hacker online who is willing to dig into the Deep Web for you.”

“I employ MK's help,” Nic says.  
  
“Can I block his calls?”  
  
“...No.”

 

* * *

 

“You find a now-deleted entry on Craigslist that says “Seeking Tanis, Runner Wanted”. On the bottom is a phone number.”

“Cool. I send it to Nic.”

“The number leads Nic to Geoff, who has an entire basement of mystery tapes that his brother left behind when he died. The brother, that is.”

“Can I interview him?” Nic says. 

“It's Geoff's turn.”

“I meet up with Nic and we go for beers,” Geoff says. “I draw to go for beers with Nic.” 

“You…go for beers. For like, four hours.”

MK raises an eyebrow and smirks. Alex looks smug.

“Don’t give me that look, Reagan,” Geoff says, mock-offended. “I don’t put out until at least second date.”

 

* * *

 

“I draw to flirt with MK,” Geoff says. He spreads the cards flat on the table, then picks one at random.  
  
“You fail,” Alex says, snickering at the three of spades he picked. “Kind of spectacularly.”

“Hang on, I don't even _know_ you,” MK says.

 

* * *

 

“You meet with Avery Ellis’ father, the millionaire Cameron Ellis, in a diner. He offers you a job to search for Tanis.”

“DON’T TAKE IT,” Geoff cries.

“Wait, let’s egg him on until he hurts himself,” MK says gleefully.

“Did I _not_ explain the rules clear enough to you guys?”

“Your rules are boring. Go take the job, Nic, what’s worst that could happen? Steady employment?”

“...You guys are really bad friends,” Nic mumbles. 

 

* * *

  
“In your search for MK's sudden disappearance, you get a call from TeslaNova, Ellis' corporation, who invites to meet you at the office building.”  
  
“I go into the Tesla Nova offices.”  
  
“This is the dude that kept another dude in the basement, correct?” Geoff says incredulously. “Who also went crazy and tore his skin out of his chest? And is also probably connected to a cult?”

“Yes to the basement, yes to the skin tearing, no to the cult,“ Alex says. “And none of you are supposed to know this at this point, so it's irrelevant.”

“I try to call him for a last-minute beer-related meet-up to get him outta there.”

Geoff draws a one of hearts and curses. 

“You lose your phone and the couple you rented out your basement to floods the place. You also lose another turn.”   
  
“For my turn, I go in and forcibly drag Nic out,” MK says.   
  
“You have to draw for Persuasion and Stealth to beat the guards,” Alex says. MK draws an four of spades and ten of hearts. “You succeed! You find him sitting in the lobby and drag him out of the building before anyone from the company can grab him.”  
  
Geoff fist-bumps her. “Close one.”  
  
“Tesla Nova was planning to make Nic disappear. You narrowly escaped a kidnapping attempt and a future spent indefinitely in a damp basement somewhere.”  
  
“Jesus fuck, dude,” Geoff says.  
  
Nic shrugs. “They could have had answers.”

“Can I roll to smack him over the head?” Geoff fake-whispers.

“ _No_.”

 

* * *

 

“You find out that the Cult of Tanis have Sam Reynolds.”  
  
“Uh, I follow the cult leader into the living room.”  
  
“The cult leader serves you tea.”  
  
“I...”  
  
“Don't drink the fucking tea, Nic, Jesus.”  
  
“I drink the tea.”  
  
Geoff's head hits the table with a dull thunk.  
  
“The tea is drugged, and you feel the effects too late. When you try to escape, your realise your limbs are so heavy you can't control them.”  
  
“I roll for stamina.” Nic draws a two of hearts. “Uh. Not good?”  
  
“Can I go in with a bunch of guns and drag his dumb ass outta there?” Geoff says. He feels a headache coming on.  
  
“You're fifty files away, Geoff, for the last time. Maybe if you land a critical hit,” Alex says.

Geoff picks a card: three of hearts. “Goddammit.”

MK contemplates her tactics. “Since I'm too far away as well, and in hiding, I contact Morgan Miller and try to get _her_ to rescue Nic.” She draws a nine of spades.

“You manage to reach Morgan Miller. She marches in, grabs Nic, and gets them both out.”

“ _Goddammit_.” Geoff slaps his hand on the table. Then, looking at the - in turn - bemused, unimpressed and concerned faces turned to him, he adds “I haven't done a single heroic thing in the game so far! MK always gets to do the cool stuff.”

“Hey, I think you're very cool,” says Nic, giving his leg a little nudge. “The way you bravely and defiantly stood up to the Tesla Nova corporate thugs that took your brother's tapes was _very_ heroic."

MK and Alex snort in unison and Nic turns to them, confused. _He's completely sincere_ , Geoff realises. Nic Silver is 100% honest about trying to make him feel better and is 100% sure that that would do it - it's not that he's bummed out by the game, but that makes his heart clench a bit. 

 

* * *

 

"Veronika leads Nic, Morgan Miller and Sam Reynolds into the woods."  
  
“I attempt to contact him by tracing his cell phone,” MK says. She draws a three of hearts. “ _Shit_.”  
  
“Veronika made him bury his cellphone under a tree. He’s incommunicado.”  
  
“Wait, he just  _complied_?” Geoff says. 

“Chaotic Neutral,” Nic says with a shrug. Geoff and MK let out a cry of frustration. 

 

* * *

  
They break for food, snacks and instant coffee sometime around hour four, after Nic makes his way out of the cabin. Nic is focused on a jumble of his own notes, while Alex flips through the book, making comments under her breath every now and then.

“Okay, this doesn't make sense,” MK says around a mouthful of jerky. She peers at the book over Alex's shoulder. “Who jacked my equipment? Are we ever gonna follow up on that? I want to investigate that.”  
  
“Who cares - I don't even know what season it all takes place in,” Geoff says. “How many days was Nic in the Doctor Who death cabin, anyway?”  
  
“You’ve been searching for this thing for, like, a year now? And all you have to show for it is a trip to the murder forest. No offence, but you’re not exactly good at your job.”  
  
“Hey, that's not true! I have a lot to show for it. Like...my notebook, and my recordings, and the novel, and the severed arm that I was given as a gift.”

“Wait til you guys get to the rock and key that Nic finds at a motel,” Alex says with a snort. She tosses the book on the table and sighs. “You’re lucky I’m shielding the worst from you. There’s some weird shit where it tries to draw in a teenage girl’s suicide and a John Doe mystery death into the clusterfuck. I think the author tried to go for some 9/11 conspiracy plot as well, but either lost the thread or got distracted. Also, there's a lot of abandoned towns, disappearing kids, reddit creepypasta shit that I didn't want to get into.”

At Geoff and MK's raised eyebrows and twin expressions of bile fascination she adds, “Oh, and there was a bit where it tries to ham-fistedly incorporate the massacre of Native American tribes and Haida mythos. So I’m doing some serious quality control for this shitty story for you guys like you _would not_ believe.”

 

* * *

 

“I go after the Cult's new hideout,” Nic says.

“I ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE HIM,” Geoff says desperately. MK chokes on her beer.

“Dude, _what_?” Alex looks at him incredulously. “And how? You’re like—” she checks her notes, “you’re like, forty-five minutes away by car.”

“Can I booty call him?”

“What the hell are you _planning_?”

“I'm gonna distract him with sex so he forgets about his stupid getting-himself-killed quest. Nothing _else_ has worked so far, so might as well, right?”

“ _That’s not a strategy_ ,” Alex says empathetically, “and I’m banning it as a move from now on.”

“Does that mean I can't catfish him out of his quest either?”

“ _No you cannot_.”

“Wait, are we a couple in the game?” Nic says, raising his head from his notes. He’d dug out a red pen from somewhere and was making a conspiracy map. “I wasn't aware we were a couple.”

“No shit,” MK mutters, probably louder than she meant to. Alex rests her head on the table.

“Maybe we, uh, got together during the story?” Geoff tries.

MK side-eyes him. “You were flirting with _me_ during the story. That would make you a pretty shitty boyfriend. I’m technically his employee, remember?”

“OK, fine. Maybe at that time when I was flirting with you, I was just stoically repressing my feelings for Nic because he’s my buddy and I didn’t want to make it weird. Because we were spending a lot of time together. Alone. In the woods. Talking about feelings and stuff.”

MK rolls her eyes, while Alex snorts beer through her nose and collapses into the table again, this time in laughter. Nic, because he’s Nic, looks at Geoff with his head tilted to one side in confusion, like a puppy. “But we were doing that last semester. You know, spending time together alone, as friends, and you talked about MK a lot. And we went out into the woods a lot, then, too. And it wasn’t weird.”

Geoff gives a long-suffering sigh, then reaches out to run his fingers through Nic's hair. “You are so lucky you’re cute, babe.”

“You can go with Nic to the Cult’s abandoned retreat,” Alex says to Geoff, finally recovering from her near-death experience.

“Sweet. I’m gonna—”

“It’s not your turn anymore.”  
  
“I’m still gonna break the door down when we get there. That’s what they get for trying to roofie Nic.”

“Why do you have to solve _everything_ with violence?” MK says, as Alex sighs.

 

* * *

 

“You get a voicemail from the leader of the Cult.”

“DON’T ANSWER IT,” MK and Geoff yell simultaneously.  
  
“It’s a _voicemail_ ,” says Alex.

“I listen to the voicemail and decide to call him back.”

MK and Geoff both groan.

 

* * *

 

“Cameron Ellis attempts to seduce you.”  
  
“Oh, gross,” MK says.

“Okay, I’ll rephrase that. Cameron Ellis wants you to work for him. He offers you money and accommodation for your services.”

“I’m getting serious sugar daddy vibes. Which, still gross.” MK says. Geoff makes a face.  
  
“It’s _business proposal_!” Nic says defensively. “And I have a boyfriend! I think? Anyway, I decline.”  
  
“You succeed...for now.”  
  
“Can I draw to punch him in the face?” Geoff says.  
  
“You can draw to punch him in the face,” Alex says wearily. He's finally worn her down.   
  
“He’s still like fifty miles away, isn’t he?” MK says. Geoff draws a ten of spades and whoops, punching the air.  
  
“You...drive to Ellis’s office building, walk into the room he's sitting at, take out both his guards and slam his head against the table. You tell him to not go near any of you ever again.”  
  
MK snorts. “Does he then throw Nic over his shoulder and march out?”  
  
“That would be kinda hot,” Nic mumbles. He's getting more and more buzzed on the beer and his brain-to-mouth filter is depl- depalt- working less and less.  
  
Geoff smirks and throws a wink at him. MK makes a gagging noise.

 

* * *

 

“I decide to work for Ellis at the Breach.”

“Ellis pays you a good sum up front, and gives you the key to your own apartment. It’s way nicer than your own, and in the closet you find dress socks.”

‘Sugar daddy’ MK mouths dramatically. Geoff throws his arms up in exasperation.

“So I marched in there like a caveman for nothing?”

Alex coughs something that sounds suspiciously like “rescue sex”.

 

* * *

 

“You get an anonymous tip that Tanis might be connected to the Holy Grail.”

“I want to follow up on that tip!”

“Can I trace the tip to the source? If I can find out that it’s a hoax, I can then hire Geoff to punch them in the face for wasting our damn time.”

“Hang on, I’m not for hire. And you can’t afford me! And you could just turn of their internet instead, couldn't you?”

“The Holy Grail?” Nic says, ignoring his boyfriend and his best friend. “How the hell is that not a trap?”

“Parzavala, Percival, King Arthur, Holy Grail.”

“…That’s a reach. Even for me, that's a reach.”

 

* * *

  
“I arrange to meet Nic at the crashed plane at the Breach site.”

“I arrive early and I decide to walk around the site a bit.”

“You meet Veronika again and Nathaniel Carter, who both say they have more info about Tanis. You can choose to follow them or wait for Geoff.”

 Nic hesitates. “I mean, Geoff's probably okay right? He's got military background and high Strength and Stealth, I think he could survive in the woods. I should go look at—”  
  
“GO LOOK FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU JACKASS,” MK yells drunkenly.  
  
Nic cows a bit. “Yeah, okay. I go talk to MK to help me look for Geoff.”  
  
“I'm angry at you and decide to not to help,” MK says.  
  
“Oh come ON!” Geoff says. “I could be dying in the murder forest or being eaten by the death cabin for all you guys know!”

“I’m gonna go listen to what Veronika and Carter has to say, then go back to Geoff.”

“Carter leads you further into the forest. You follow him deeper into the forest, until he gets grabbed by something from the darkness and eaten by the monsters.”

“I run away.” Nic draws four of hearts. “Aw, shit.”

“You manage to flee, but you break your ankle doing it. You're out for the next turn.”

“The _fuck_ ,” Geoff says quietly. He picks up the book and flips through it. Alex snatches it back, hissing ' _no cheating_ '. 

“I realise something is seriously wrong and try to trace his path using my cellphone. Or something.” He draws an nine of hearts. 

"You barely get a signal. Do you wait your turn or do you go after him?"

"Uh...I'll wait my turn. Maybe MK can do some hacker magic." 

MK contemplates. “I’m no longer angry at Nic, and decide I don't want him to be eaten by the death forest. I team up with Geoff-”

“Death cabin,” Geoff mumbles under his breath. “Death _cabin_ , murder _forest_.”

"I team up with Geoff, against my better judgement. Can I hijack a satellite for him? So he can track Nic?" 

"YES. YES, DO THAT. Can I trace his path this time?”

“ _Fine_ , but you need to draw a six of spades or higher.”

Geoff rubs his hands together, shuffles the deck multiple times and dramatically draws a card. “BOOYAH, NATURAL TWENTY!”

“You find Nic and help him back to the car, having narrowly avoided—”

“Excuse you, he's injured," Geoff corrects with a grin. “I, being a supportive, concerned boyfriend, fling him over my shoulder.”

“You fling him over your shoulder and carry him back to the car, having narrowly avoided the Cult of Tanis leader.”

“Rescue sex,” MK stage-whispers, making obscene hand gestures. Nic buries his head in his hands, flushing deep red. 

 

* * *

 

“The storm’s passed,” says Geoff sometime around 8 AM. It’s been a long night. They still have a six-hour drive in front of them, and neither of them had slept. They'd ended the game with MK deciding that her character should become a professional private eye and Geoff and Nic later moving in together, forgetting all about the Cult, and the weird corporate shenanigans and the murder forest.

("What happened to Veronika?" MK had wanted to know afterwards. "Did we abandon her in the murder forest with the remains of Nathaniel Carter's corpse?"

Alex had simply handed her book with a 'fucked-if-I-know' shrug.)

Alex eventually got fed up with being the DM, and they'd decided to take turns mocking _The Search for Tanis_ instead. They did dramatic readings of the protagonist, Terrence, as he elaborates on how many girls he has to beat off with a stick and how many fan letters his radio show was getting. By around 6 o'clock in the morning, they’d fallen asleep under a pile of blankets, the fire now dying, the storm blowing itself out.

  
Geoff shifts a bit under the blankets. MK and Alex had decided to share the bed, which meant that he and Nic piled cushions on the floor and cuddled. He burrows further into Nic's chest, arms tightening, hands gripping like vices - he gets like that in the dead of night sometimes and it's like he's trying to crawl inside Nic's rib cage. It makes his stomach do turns and makes his chest feel funny, like it's contracting and expanding at the same time; on the one hand he wants to shy away from the attention, and on another he wants to give everything he can.  
  
It had been a rough year. The thing with his brother, and his parents, and the ex-boyfriend and— yeah. It kinda fucked him up a bit, and this had been a good way to blow off steam, take his mind off things. He didn't expect a cabin in the woods to be able to do that, but he didn't expect Nic either, or all the good things that came with dating Nic Silver. 

But, well, the storm had passed. Google was showing good traffic and clear skies, and they could probably make it home in five and a half hours. He stretches, gulps down an awful mouthful of instant coffee and starts preparing for the road.

**Author's Note:**

> This got sappy at the end, which I didn't expect. Happy Holidays, Maggie! Sorry this is a couple of days late.


End file.
